Elections in Bavaria & Austria

The election results in Bavaria and Austria were landslides. In Austria the dirt is brown, in Bavaria rather black. Austrians and Bavarians were very frustrated by parties that only talk to the people but don’t listen to them. Politicians freely used the programmes of the opposing parties. There were hardly any points of view left, just pap.

Who wins under such conditions is clear: anyone who makes a name for themselves as extreme. Bavaria will soon have a latex dominatrix in government. That’s still halfway funny because she will probably continue to wear black clothes. But I feel sorry for Austria. In some districts of Vienna, the right-wingers got over 50% of the vote. Are Austrians the better Nazis, or have they finally shouted out their Leyd?

In Bavaria, a monarchy is coming to an end. We like our king, even if he was gay and is burning in hell for suicide. Now we’re a democracy, with votes and all that. No more parliamentary monarchy of the Christian Social Union. After the beheading of King Ede, the Union is considering dropping the “Union” from its name. Unfortunately, the two-headed leadership hydra Beckstein-Huber did not get the “Union principle” across quite as well as planned. But what does the CSU do without its U? My tip: Back to the 80s! The CSU was already in favour of CS gas!

In Austria, the monarchy is long gone. People have got used to the fact that there are no clearly identifiable positions in the centre. After all, if you want mountains, you don’t go sailing. If you want clear positions, you have to vote Green or gay Nazis. Contradictions are great anyway and make for wonderful jokes. That’s acceptable today, because as we’ve known since HC Strache’s brilliant favourites performance, we only vote with our genitals anyway. There are obviously more of them in Favoriten than on the belt.

Now the Austrians and the Bavarians are both wondering the same thing: How does a landslide happen? It’s simple: first of all, the sun is usually absent, i.e. it rains. The earth becomes moist and heavy. At some point it loses its grip. It’s the same with politicians. They lose their grip and suddenly there’s a landslide. Sometimes a few are washed away, but politicians are tough, like pioneer plants of the power vacuum. They always come back quickly.

The real choice in Austria only comes after the election: does the SPÖ want to slide down the slope again together with the ÖVP? The risk is low, if it gets too steep they will simply hold another election in three months’ time. Or will the prime example of a European multi-ethnic state make its way “home to the Reich”?

To which empire, actually? As a foreigner in Favoriten put it: “Well, I voted for Strache because I think it’s a good thing, with all the foreigners going home, so I’m one too, but I think it’s good.”. Apparently also wants to go home to the Reich. Whichever one.

In Austria the earth is now brown, in Bavaria it’s black. In Bavaria there are now lots of bright colours in the state parliament, in Austria probably only brown in the National Council. Things change. I feel more at home in Bavaria again.