The Phuket Poo

The Shanti Lodge in Phuket is beautiful, but also far away – from the airport, from the city, from the beach. I arrive quite exhausted and enjoy reasonably stable WiFi for the first time in weeks. I was expecting Tom and Christiane on the 10th. There’s a big hello when they suddenly turn up today. The food is great – and very expensive. Just like everything else in the lodge.

On the second day, we hire scooters and drive into Phuket City. The whole island seems to be one big settlement. Everything looks the same. Perfect for getting around. We get ferry tickets to Ko Phi Phi and go shopping. A 3-month parcel to Germany would cost 40 euros. So I carry my winter clothes from New Zealand with me until the end of my trip around the world.

At sunset, we drive up the Telecoms Hill in Phuket City. Suddenly there are gibbons on the road. They look at me while I’m eating. I get close and forget that a monkey on Gibraltar has already mauled me badly once. The monkeys here are much better behaved. I hold out my hand to several monkeys for fun. Some of them offer me theirs.

Day 2: Tom and Christiane were kissed by Monthaizuma. Tom goes on a scooter tour of the island anyway. Everything is expensive, crowded, not very nice, built up. The traffic is hell. We play Ghost Rider on Phuket. A lorry takes my right of way and almost rams into me. I thank him with a greeting hand without fingers. The driver returns the favour at the next junction with another attempt to rear-end me.

I don’t like Phuket. I drive round the whole island. The west coast is nicer, greener, not quite so built up. But between the beautiful stretches, there are once again a number of terrorist tourist castles. Patong is the local red light district. This is exactly where the tsunami hit. It wasn’t that bad. The transvestites swam well thanks to airbags.