Bohol Is Different!

Completely different from the rest of the Philippines. Almost all the roads here are tarred – on obligatory reinforced concrete. There are funny white lines in the centre. I’ve forgotten what they’re called. Everything is cleaner, the houses are finished. It’s much easier to get rid of the pushers. There are a few Muslims here because of nearby Mindanao. And Bohol is much more expensive.

I hire a bike for 400 pesos and set off. The racing exhaust is loud, but the top speed of over 130 km/h rocks – and you can do that here, at least until the next occasional pothole. The tour leads from Panglao Island over the bridge to Bohol, through the centre of Chocolate Hills and halfway around the island. I end up with over 300 kilometres on the clock.

No house in the Philippines is more than 50 years old. Only here is there some Spanish colonial architecture, especially big old churches. The great explorer Magellan landed on the neighbouring island of Mactan in 1521. In a dispute, he had his skull pierced by the chief Lapu-Lapu. The spear used for this was a little too big, which was fatal for Magellan. Funnily enough, the Philippine national dish of the same name, Lapu-Lapu, does not contain any brains.

Filipinos only live for today. That’s what every expat and even the Filipinos themselves say. This becomes very clear in Loboc City. There, too, is a 500-year-old church. The far-sighted Filipinos built a bridge over the Loboc River exactly in its direction. It was only 20 metres before they realised that the church was in the way. Today, the bridge ends there in nothingness.

The rainforest follows behind Loboc. It’s a steep uphill and downhill ride with hairpin bends and sometimes even steep bends because of the dips. Great route with this bike! It’s getting cooler. I hike through the forest and stop a little later at a jungle zoo. Monkeys, eagles, wild boars, ostriches, butterflies and orchids. The dwarf guide lets me fondle a giant albino python. You can still see yesterday’s meal in it: a whole chicken.

The Chocolate Hills are marketed by the Philippine Department of Tourism as THE must-see highlight. Over 1000 grassy hills up to 50 metres high, created from uplifted and eroded coral. After so much rain, they are more like After Eight – richly green. But they wouldn’t knock my socks off if they were brown either. The 200 Japanese people up at the Chocolate Hills complex seem to have a different opinion.

I was quick. Still have time. Continue north past rice fields through the centre of Bohol. I don’t want to look at maps today, I’m travelling by compass. I arrive on the north coast in Ubay at midday. The way back. The sun is beating down. Despite SPF50 and a month of pre-tanning, I’m sunburnt today. There’s a lonely beach in the south-east, Anda Beach. Fishermen are fishing, nobody else around. My bum is falling off.

On the last 100 kilometres of coastal road, the wind suddenly picks up. I speed back at full throttle. The direction is unusual: due east, which means something should be possible at Alona Beach back home – between around 200 bangkas with lots of peaks, mind you. But long before I arrive, the wind is gone again.

Last stop: Loboc Adventure Park. At a height of 120 metres, a zipline leads 450 metres over the Loboc River. Exciting fun for six euros. I take a look at the zipline labelled “Stainless Steel”. Correct. I really can’t see a single spot on the grate. The return journey in the gondola is less fun – the sputtering engine with its inconsistent speeds causes the gondola to rock quite a bit.

I’m back in Alona Beach just in time for sunset. The soot from the jeepneys has deposited on my face around my glasses. My hands are vibrating. And I lost my bum in a pothole half an hour earlier. The landlord picks up the bike and looks at the speedometer in disbelief. I grin at him.