Religion And Videoke

If religion is opium for the people, then videoke is crack for the Filipinos. No drug is more addictive, has a stronger effect and produces more blatant films. You shall have no other gods beside me? Pah! Even the deep faith of the Filipinos knows its limits. It’s called Videoke. They will drop everything for it.

In every good Filipino household, the videoke system is more important than the toilet or cooker; it is roughly equivalent to the Indian household altar. I saw the most primitive bamboo huts in the middle of the jungle – with the thickest videoke systems. People often sing very well in such places. As soon as the system is in a public place, the level usually drops three metres below ground level.

I used to think that there were a hell of a lot of heavy drinkers in the Philippines. This is not the case. Only 1.5% are ritually drunk by men of God during mass. The remaining 98.5% are pure Videoke side effects: first the Filipinos drink to have enough courage, then because they realise how bad they are and finally to forget it again.

Our last evening together in Bulalacao begins with three monotonous games of chess over a few beers. After that, I dare to tackle the last major project of this trip. It’s easy to keep complaining about howling dogs when you’re only barking yourself. I stalk into the guest room, skilfully take advantage of the cover provided by the tables, jump into the far corner and stand with my legs apart in front of the Videoke system. Songmaster 5000 NX. The Rolls-Royce of Videoke systems, over 10,000 songs plus videos.

The Filipinos are already starting to hoot. Max and I pick out our songs. Nobody knows us here. We only have to endure the loss of face until the next morning, then we’re gone. I didn’t understand it before: how can you carry on despite constantly hearing how bad you are? After my first song, I know: gin. Just gin. They drink loads of it. So do we.

Gin makes everyone the same. I can’t sing when I’m drunk. Weird, out of rhythm and the lyrics to American Pie are fast. I realise that straight away. But I carry on. We sit down again, another round of gin. The bar tukke plays a song by Erasure. Another round of gin. And another song. Another round. Another song. I’m soon exhausted and go to bed. Max plays on until two o’clock. Videoke is fun once you get into it. But I don’t think crack is for me. Mission accomplished.