The most intense three months of work in 20 years of web design are 10,000 kilometres behind me. The same goes for the all-encompassing porn soundtrack from the Eching esoteric sauna at Kuwait airport. After a 28-hour journey, even the topics of conversation of the quartet of paragliding terrorists melt into nothingness in the five-hour speedvan from Puerto Princessa to El Nido.
Seven years ago, we were stuck in 40 cm of mud on a jungle track in the mountains on the more than one-day journey in the other direction by jeepney. Today it’s tarmac and dogs sleeping on it. I look out of the window through the heavy rain. Water buffaloes graze in rice paddies. Herons vulture around them in tag teams after startled speculoos.
The toilet acoustics of our racing driver top even Antenne Bayern. All the road signs are sponsored by Tanduhay. Rum at the top, “Slow Down” at the bottom. This is neither a request nor a joke. It is an observation. Everything slows down and everything is fine.
When I get off the bus in El Nido, I realise that my mobile phone has obviously done the Scotty without me noticing. It has beamed away from the bus, according to Google Tracking somewhere 100 kilometres before arriving at a petrol station in Taytay. Mobile phone loss. Slow down. No panic like the little twenty-two-year-old German girl who mourned the same loss bitterly for a whole afternoon somewhere in Peru two years ago, despite – or because of – my consolation.
Cleanly jetlagged, we sleep very late and badly. The next evening, after numerous helpful Philippine contacts, the redemptive call comes to Steffi’s number: mobile phone found! The most honest and sincere people in the world bring it across half of Palawan to my front door. Where else do such wonderful things happen? Philipines, Palawan. Slow down and tip the right way!
El Nido has easily doubled – if not quadrupled – in the seven years since my last visit. Bumbum discos and six-storey concrete blocks have replaced the last small beach huts. We both hate it. However, nice things always happen when you don’t expect anything. Our gold here: English teacher Adam from Manchester. Well-travelled, lively in spirit and a real drinker. Red horses ride long into the night, and the youngsters are flat.
After little sleep, we jump on a boat the next morning and tour a few islands. There are between 10 and 50 bankas at each anchorage, each with 15 to 20 tourists. The reefs are all zombies and the music is often loud. Rum flows from coconuts. The islands around El Nido are beautiful – but without strict regulation, everything here has turned from paradise to a pure tourist hell in just a few years. Do El Nido a favour and stay away! The real Phlippines are something completely different. They are quiet and wonderfully lonely.
We seek the peace and quiet 20 kilometres north at Nacpan Beach. Unfortunately, we have overlooked the fact that it has apparently just been voted the most beautiful beach in the Philippines by Tripadvisor. What a load of bollocks! Yes, it is beautiful and wide and sandy – just like 43,758 other beaches on one of the 7,000 islands in the Philippines. The next morning, a never-ending convoy of motorbikes, trikes and minivans rolls down the muddy track to the beach. We overtake them barefoot. Find your own dream beach! It’s the one without a traffic jam at the entrance…
The wind picks up in the afternoon. My first diagnosis “rainy season and Habagat winds will probably last a little longer this year” turns out to be wrong. On Windy, a purple gust rages from the South China Sea towards Palawan. The foothills of the powerful typhoon turn the wind direction by 180 degrees and bring heavy rain every day for a whole week. During a dry spell, I set up the seven-seater in the small bay next to Nacpan Beach. The sea is boiling over in seething waves at a stubborn 25 to 35 knots. Steffi rightly doubts whether her first launch helper could really be successful in these conditions. I pack up. A little later, gusts of wind knock over entire rubbish bins, even in the sheltered hinterland. Aborting was definitely the right decision.
In the evening we learn that the only way to the north, the speed ferry to Coron, will probably be cancelled for at least three days thanks to the typhoon. After the cancellation of two fellow travellers for the five-day Banka Tour to Coron, which had been planned months in advance, this is the second major change of plans in just three days. North Palawan. Full stop. Enjoy the Philippines: full throttle!
Frank Woelky, born in 1973. Kitesurfer since 1998. Since 2006, I have been combining kitesurfing and web design on trips lasting several months off the beaten track.